I love driving through Death Valley; there is something majestic about the desert I cannot find anywhere else. I’ve said that before and I am sure that each time I visit this area of the world; I will feel it and say it again.
I also enjoy driving through the mountains, but in the mountains you have to be one hundred percent alert at all times because of the winding roads.
Through the desert however, there are such dramatic straight away stretches that on the right day at the right hour, you may not see another car for miles and miles so you can leak your attention towards the distant jagged sandy, Joshua tree lined cliffs and drift away.
Today, I succumbed to the pull of the great lizard, despite being in Manson country; I pulled off the highway, which I caution against at the best of times. I drove for a mile or two from the main roads in order to get some pictures and it was magnificent. I took a couple of shots but mostly I stood in the warming sun breathing it in.
Forgetting why I had pulled off the highway to begin with, I got back in the car and headed south on I-15 towards the freak kingdom, as Hunter wrote in Fear and Loathing. Let’s face it though, on a good day if you were to pull off the highway and drive into a desert town, the probability of a chance encounter with a “freak” if you will, increases exponentially versus a brief stop off in Los Angeles…
I had the itch to drive from the moment my eyes fluttered open and I looked around the hotel room in Primm, knowing that it was time to go and move on.
Destination… San Diego.
I could feel the pull of the ocean, as the Mustang ducked down the highway towards Los Angeles, Riverside, and finally San Diego. Once I hit the tumbling foothills near Corona and Ontario, I could sense her getting closer.
My skin buzzed slightly and though my eyes became fixated, searching for the destination, I was able to retain the beauty of crest upon crest of rolling hills and sunshine dashing through the clouds as the car twisted and turned along the freeway.
I roared down I-5 now, heading south, the ocean creeping up on my right side.
The corner of my eye drew towards it and I found a quiet place to pull over and snap some photos.
The sky was heavy and dark, raining off and on much like it is right now as I type, but every so often the clouds broke apart and let the sun shine through to the ocean surface, giving the appearance of heaven reaching down with the gentlest of touches.
I stood on the precipice overlooking the crashing waves; I stood in awe. The camera fell to my side and I stared out and up, basking in the magnitude of God’s creation. The only sound was water rushing to and from the coast line.
The traffic was gone.
The birds swooping and cawing disappeared…
For a moment that turned close to an hour, it was simple…I existed within the presence and warmth of God – as though I had been safely tucked back in to the womb of life.
There were no worries, no causes for alarm, and nothing whatever to stop me from dreaming. I tried to look away, much like when I dreamt deep and hard during any day; waking to the real world that surrounds us all.
I attempted to turn from the horizon when it became overwhelming, but my eyes were drawn to it like it held captive my future in a gentle hand.
I knew instantly, I would never be caught wanting or lying to find it, taste it, or hold it, less I turn inwards and keep myself as the island I often want to be…
This in the opening of clouds shining sunlight to the surface of the ocean… God is amazing! May I listen when you speak God, by Your grace I go.
Thank you Lord, for the blessings of beauty we are surrounded by on earth.
I had been praying about playing golf at Torrey Pines, not that I would get to play or that I would play well if I did get the chance, but whether or not to play at all. For some reason it stuck out in my mind that it might be just too expensive and that even just a portion of the money might be better served somewhere else.
I woke up this morning with a heavy heart and a quiet whisper told me to put the money towards a shelter of some kind in the San Diego area. I had a smile on my heart, but made my way to Torrey Pines Golf Course to find out how much it would cost because a good friend really wanted me to play it.
I checked in at the counter and the fellow told me it was not near as expensive as I thought and if I came back after noon, it was even cheaper. I could do both, give to the shelters and play golf at a world famous course.
It felt like God’s universe was in balance, as my heart lightened up dramatically looking at a wide open day.
I drove across San Diego to the offices of the Interfaith Shelters, but there was no one present to take a donation. Simple answer make donation on line…check.
Feeling quiet and getting restless, I drove and had lunch before golf, which was making me nervous, I had seen every hole of both courses and they looked daunting to say the least. Unfortunately for the four Starbuck patrons waiting to get in the bathroom after I was finished, the mixture of lunch and building anxiety caused a serious reaction to my system.
Sorry guys. I chuckled slightly as I passed them making eye contact, trying not to laugh out loud because I have been the next in line after something wicked and as natural as the process is, it almost makes you a bit hostile being confined in what can only be described as a torture chamber.
Normally I may not write about such things as morning movements in blogs (if you’ve read my books, you will know that I take them seriously and write in detail about the great ones), but a couple of readers have asked me whether I ever get embarrassed and yes I do, but I deal with that differently today and I laugh at myself as often as I can.
Looking out over the Torrey Pines Golf Course, I was in serious awe and now more than slightly nervous. My first tee shot went about 60 yards and I laughed out loudthinking, oh here we go…but the second shot was fantastic and just short of the green making it possible to forget the first one entirely.
That was golf, the reason I loved it and hated it; you needed a short memory for the bad shots and a nice long memory of every good shot you have every hit as you tried to duplicate the swing that caused it. It really is a metaphor for life, which makes it all the more interesting and ridiculous.
We walked the north course; I have never walked or played such a distance. The par 4’s were longer than I could reach and the par 5’s played tragically like par 6’s, but I kept plugging and hung in there paying more attention to the beauty and the surrounding scenery than how long this hole or that hole was.
It was an amazing day.
The toppers of my last day in San Diego were two fold; I went to a good meeting and got what I desperately did not know I needed and I had a wonderful conversation on the phone late with a fellow addict and alcoholic which tied everything together nicely and put me in a great mood for sleep – quiet mind and still heart.
This morning I am gearing up to head to Los Angeles, Diamond Bar to be specific and I feel excited and apprehensive at the same time. I have not been to Diamond Bar in 18 years and I honestly do not know what to expect. Understanding that none of the people I travelled with in my day are still living there, it changes very little.
I will walk in there and know that God is with me and I know that without a connection to my Higher Power, I may not have ever gone back. I had many nights years ago of sleepless tossing and turning about a return that would not happen unless my corpse was dragged through the streets by any number of people who wanted to do exactly that.
In sobriety however, the brutal truths and horrible lies of those times has bled away through doing the work and staying clean and sober. I am not that teenager any longer and the sum of my parts cannot be counted simply by the actions of those days.
The people God has placed for me to see there have no idea how instrumental in my recovery they are, but they will by the day’s end. They do not realize that with every kind word they gave me and every embrace of support for the who I am today they have made it possible for me to go back and for God to work the miracles in my life as he does.
Thank you Jeff, Victor, and Christine for sharing your time with me and making me feel comfortable enough to return.
By the grace of God I go.
Thank you,
David Lewry
I also enjoy driving through the mountains, but in the mountains you have to be one hundred percent alert at all times because of the winding roads.
Through the desert however, there are such dramatic straight away stretches that on the right day at the right hour, you may not see another car for miles and miles so you can leak your attention towards the distant jagged sandy, Joshua tree lined cliffs and drift away.
Today, I succumbed to the pull of the great lizard, despite being in Manson country; I pulled off the highway, which I caution against at the best of times. I drove for a mile or two from the main roads in order to get some pictures and it was magnificent. I took a couple of shots but mostly I stood in the warming sun breathing it in.
Forgetting why I had pulled off the highway to begin with, I got back in the car and headed south on I-15 towards the freak kingdom, as Hunter wrote in Fear and Loathing. Let’s face it though, on a good day if you were to pull off the highway and drive into a desert town, the probability of a chance encounter with a “freak” if you will, increases exponentially versus a brief stop off in Los Angeles…
I had the itch to drive from the moment my eyes fluttered open and I looked around the hotel room in Primm, knowing that it was time to go and move on.
Destination… San Diego.
I could feel the pull of the ocean, as the Mustang ducked down the highway towards Los Angeles, Riverside, and finally San Diego. Once I hit the tumbling foothills near Corona and Ontario, I could sense her getting closer.
My skin buzzed slightly and though my eyes became fixated, searching for the destination, I was able to retain the beauty of crest upon crest of rolling hills and sunshine dashing through the clouds as the car twisted and turned along the freeway.
I roared down I-5 now, heading south, the ocean creeping up on my right side.
The corner of my eye drew towards it and I found a quiet place to pull over and snap some photos.
The sky was heavy and dark, raining off and on much like it is right now as I type, but every so often the clouds broke apart and let the sun shine through to the ocean surface, giving the appearance of heaven reaching down with the gentlest of touches.
I stood on the precipice overlooking the crashing waves; I stood in awe. The camera fell to my side and I stared out and up, basking in the magnitude of God’s creation. The only sound was water rushing to and from the coast line.
The traffic was gone.
The birds swooping and cawing disappeared…
For a moment that turned close to an hour, it was simple…I existed within the presence and warmth of God – as though I had been safely tucked back in to the womb of life.
There were no worries, no causes for alarm, and nothing whatever to stop me from dreaming. I tried to look away, much like when I dreamt deep and hard during any day; waking to the real world that surrounds us all.
I attempted to turn from the horizon when it became overwhelming, but my eyes were drawn to it like it held captive my future in a gentle hand.
I knew instantly, I would never be caught wanting or lying to find it, taste it, or hold it, less I turn inwards and keep myself as the island I often want to be…
This in the opening of clouds shining sunlight to the surface of the ocean… God is amazing! May I listen when you speak God, by Your grace I go.
Thank you Lord, for the blessings of beauty we are surrounded by on earth.
I had been praying about playing golf at Torrey Pines, not that I would get to play or that I would play well if I did get the chance, but whether or not to play at all. For some reason it stuck out in my mind that it might be just too expensive and that even just a portion of the money might be better served somewhere else.
I woke up this morning with a heavy heart and a quiet whisper told me to put the money towards a shelter of some kind in the San Diego area. I had a smile on my heart, but made my way to Torrey Pines Golf Course to find out how much it would cost because a good friend really wanted me to play it.
I checked in at the counter and the fellow told me it was not near as expensive as I thought and if I came back after noon, it was even cheaper. I could do both, give to the shelters and play golf at a world famous course.
It felt like God’s universe was in balance, as my heart lightened up dramatically looking at a wide open day.
I drove across San Diego to the offices of the Interfaith Shelters, but there was no one present to take a donation. Simple answer make donation on line…check.
Feeling quiet and getting restless, I drove and had lunch before golf, which was making me nervous, I had seen every hole of both courses and they looked daunting to say the least. Unfortunately for the four Starbuck patrons waiting to get in the bathroom after I was finished, the mixture of lunch and building anxiety caused a serious reaction to my system.
Sorry guys. I chuckled slightly as I passed them making eye contact, trying not to laugh out loud because I have been the next in line after something wicked and as natural as the process is, it almost makes you a bit hostile being confined in what can only be described as a torture chamber.
Normally I may not write about such things as morning movements in blogs (if you’ve read my books, you will know that I take them seriously and write in detail about the great ones), but a couple of readers have asked me whether I ever get embarrassed and yes I do, but I deal with that differently today and I laugh at myself as often as I can.
Looking out over the Torrey Pines Golf Course, I was in serious awe and now more than slightly nervous. My first tee shot went about 60 yards and I laughed out loudthinking, oh here we go…but the second shot was fantastic and just short of the green making it possible to forget the first one entirely.
That was golf, the reason I loved it and hated it; you needed a short memory for the bad shots and a nice long memory of every good shot you have every hit as you tried to duplicate the swing that caused it. It really is a metaphor for life, which makes it all the more interesting and ridiculous.
We walked the north course; I have never walked or played such a distance. The par 4’s were longer than I could reach and the par 5’s played tragically like par 6’s, but I kept plugging and hung in there paying more attention to the beauty and the surrounding scenery than how long this hole or that hole was.
It was an amazing day.
The toppers of my last day in San Diego were two fold; I went to a good meeting and got what I desperately did not know I needed and I had a wonderful conversation on the phone late with a fellow addict and alcoholic which tied everything together nicely and put me in a great mood for sleep – quiet mind and still heart.
This morning I am gearing up to head to Los Angeles, Diamond Bar to be specific and I feel excited and apprehensive at the same time. I have not been to Diamond Bar in 18 years and I honestly do not know what to expect. Understanding that none of the people I travelled with in my day are still living there, it changes very little.
I will walk in there and know that God is with me and I know that without a connection to my Higher Power, I may not have ever gone back. I had many nights years ago of sleepless tossing and turning about a return that would not happen unless my corpse was dragged through the streets by any number of people who wanted to do exactly that.
In sobriety however, the brutal truths and horrible lies of those times has bled away through doing the work and staying clean and sober. I am not that teenager any longer and the sum of my parts cannot be counted simply by the actions of those days.
The people God has placed for me to see there have no idea how instrumental in my recovery they are, but they will by the day’s end. They do not realize that with every kind word they gave me and every embrace of support for the who I am today they have made it possible for me to go back and for God to work the miracles in my life as he does.
Thank you Jeff, Victor, and Christine for sharing your time with me and making me feel comfortable enough to return.
By the grace of God I go.
Thank you,
David Lewry