There is no substitute for the bright, brilliance of the light shining through the eyes of a human being; this light brings the kind of smile to my heart that can only be described as if I were being touched by God in that very moment and am able to recognize it instantly, as opposed to after the fact when my brain realigns itself to reality.
For the longest time, I wondered exactly what it was that changed in me when it flickered, glittered, and shone so brightly and I was lucky enough to be in the path. It is something pure and real which projects from the very core of us. I was blessed, when like a whisper, recognition came to me from an outside voice; it is the spirit actualized through the vessel... In a beautifully wrapped gift, by the grace of God our connection becomes whole and brilliant…and the light breaks through the human suffering.
I understand we may not be able to hold on to that light in a constant, continuous manner because we inevitably make decisions, whether for survival or perceived survival, which pull us further and further from its source but that does not change its beauty or my love for seeing it, hearing stories about it, or feeling it rise up from deep within the self.
When I hear another person talking about their dreams and they become enlightened by that which only lies deep within, my own barriers and walls, fears and anxieties crumble away into nothing…and a part of me feels whole for having heard the whisper of their soul to mine…and I feel as though I could do anything at all!
It happens when the bullshit is sucked away from our marrow and the talk of material things disintegrates into air, turning to a talk of the spiritual and the actual all at once whether the word or concept of spirit is mentioned or not. They know it is happening and they know it is wonderful much like I do; we know that in the moment something magical transpired between us that we may never forget… if we are diligent with our seeking of our independent self-realization.
And then we return to our material pursuits - longing, sometimes bitterly, for those other moments while calling them unreasonable, unrealistic, and silly in order to feel comfortable watching ourselves float down a river at the whim of other captains and masters as we bite our lips, sit on our hands and swallow our tongues.
Once we have felt this with another however, we’ll close the door to the outside world when no one is looking and stare, for the briefest of moments, at one another in a knowing way letting our spirits dance free of the human tyranny imposed by our natural desire for other things human.
When I can feel and see that light dim, fade or escape us and our fellows, there is what can only be described as a sick, hollow feeling that creeps into my heart and mind making my spirit feel as though it is being crushed by an unseen and inhuman weight. The door opens and the outside light and pursuit creeps in, the internal one falters and the spirit gets placed roughly in the back up files of our brains.
There are some people who burst through the monotony when talk of their kids comes up, their ideal job, their favorite activity, or their perfect geographic paradise from memory or imagining and when this happens I feel at home. If all I had to do was listen to people tell me of their dreams, I would rest comfortably every night, feel as though it were always worth every minute or dramatic struggle… just to see that light shine through.
I have been so fortunate to see the human being rise from the ashes of their past and shine this light on everyone around them and I have seen the frustration on their faces when, like a tornado, our human desires smash the dreaming and turn the world upside down in the blink of an eye.
It is true, not a thing has changed in those moments, but perception shoving light from the scope of vision into the background, however real it feels. Our minds create the perfect atmosphere for such a blow; many of us have filled our past with negative imagery to the point where it overwhelms the consciousness and we cannot see the light through the unfiltered darkness as quickly as though we were flicking a switch.
Being blessed to be a part of the process with my fellow human beings is an incredible journey.
I know when the change starts to happen for I recognize it from my own existence, but it never ceases to send me back a few steps when talking with a person and hearing their unfettered joy one moment only to watch as their eyes hollow out and their faces slacken or tighten up as their minds push something ugly and black to the forefront.
I need to find a job, I need to work, I need to do, once I get enough money everything else will take care of itself…whilst their spirit sinks and slides down the rabbit hole and vision grows bitterly narrow; our main concern becomes material because talk and time spent on spiritual and true human matters seems unproductive and won’t earn us a cent. It won’t solve our debt, our crimes, or our overall human quandary…except it solves our worry, wasted self-pity, need to lie, need to steal, need to manipulate, control, et cetera ad nausea.
Now I understand fully that we all need to make a living in order to survive…or they would probably not call it “making a living” and would replace that with hobby or pastime, which is exactly what it should be if it is some kind of divergence from our connection to that, which makes us whole and is not a fleeting peace but a lasting freedom.
I have seen nothing, which causes me more alarm or anguish than human beings causing suffering to other human beings in whatever name they use to cause that pain.
I can tell you as well that watching a human being shut down their internal joy and purpose for any reason; seeing the light flicker dim to barely perceptible, leaving us with a large throng of walking dead causes my eyes to tear up, jaw to clench, stomach turn, and head lower to the ground.
I am blessed to be in a position to act as a conduit for God, in my good moments, to help others find their light once again; I am sure that I fail more often than succeed because my ego is strong, but it is amazing watching God transform lives and relight that which seemed to have burnt completely out.
You can try and break me day after day, put weight on my shoulders that isn’t mine, lie to and manipulate me, tell me what I should or shouldn’t say, what I should believe and what I should not, but if I were to give up the ability or right to pen a phrase, sentence, word, or paragraph…that death would be the worst one of all because I would feel as though I was spitting in the face of the Creator by turning away from what He has so lovingly given.
No matter what the world has in store for me; I know God has been reaching for me through the blessings he bestows. I don’t always think I know how to write, know how to help others, know how to live, or be a good person and do what is right, but I do know that when my fingers touch these keys or feel the pen gently between my fingers as the ink glides across a line or down a page that I am whole.
That I am home again.
I know that God has filled me with something I have not been able to find through any other medium. I hope that you find your wholeness, true love, create your masterpiece, and just live the life you were meant to live. I see glimpses in the men and women I have served; in their subtle gestures of compassion, love for one another, love for themselves that comes back to them from their fellows in simple, subtle ways…it is for you I am here at all, by the grace of God.
How do I know it is God’s doing? I am not capable without Him.
For the suffering, passed along from those who came before and will be a part of the solution long after I am gone – what I was taught and believe with all of my being is that the most important thing I can do is give myself to others in order that I too may remain free and feel God’s loving hand at work in all of those human areas of my life.
There are no borders on serving; you don’t need permission from some governing body, bricks and mortar, a catchy phrase or mission statement, and you definitely do not need to be told what, where, how, when, and why either…I firmly believe most of us have those answers already and are searching for what is buried deep inside.
Saint Francis of Assisi wrote:
Lord make me a channel of thy peace - that where there is hatred, I may bring love
- that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness
- that where there is discord, I may bring harmony
- that where there is error, I may bring truth
- that where there is doubt, I may bring faith
- that where there is despair, I may bring hope
- that where there are shadows, I may bring light
- that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted
- to understand, than to be understood
- to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self forgetting that one finds.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen
One of the most beautiful paragraphs I have ever read, written by Marianne Williamson and used in a speech by Nelson Mandela - I hope one day to write something this inspired and beautiful:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Thank you for all of your support and love,
David Wayne Lewry
For the longest time, I wondered exactly what it was that changed in me when it flickered, glittered, and shone so brightly and I was lucky enough to be in the path. It is something pure and real which projects from the very core of us. I was blessed, when like a whisper, recognition came to me from an outside voice; it is the spirit actualized through the vessel... In a beautifully wrapped gift, by the grace of God our connection becomes whole and brilliant…and the light breaks through the human suffering.
I understand we may not be able to hold on to that light in a constant, continuous manner because we inevitably make decisions, whether for survival or perceived survival, which pull us further and further from its source but that does not change its beauty or my love for seeing it, hearing stories about it, or feeling it rise up from deep within the self.
When I hear another person talking about their dreams and they become enlightened by that which only lies deep within, my own barriers and walls, fears and anxieties crumble away into nothing…and a part of me feels whole for having heard the whisper of their soul to mine…and I feel as though I could do anything at all!
It happens when the bullshit is sucked away from our marrow and the talk of material things disintegrates into air, turning to a talk of the spiritual and the actual all at once whether the word or concept of spirit is mentioned or not. They know it is happening and they know it is wonderful much like I do; we know that in the moment something magical transpired between us that we may never forget… if we are diligent with our seeking of our independent self-realization.
And then we return to our material pursuits - longing, sometimes bitterly, for those other moments while calling them unreasonable, unrealistic, and silly in order to feel comfortable watching ourselves float down a river at the whim of other captains and masters as we bite our lips, sit on our hands and swallow our tongues.
Once we have felt this with another however, we’ll close the door to the outside world when no one is looking and stare, for the briefest of moments, at one another in a knowing way letting our spirits dance free of the human tyranny imposed by our natural desire for other things human.
When I can feel and see that light dim, fade or escape us and our fellows, there is what can only be described as a sick, hollow feeling that creeps into my heart and mind making my spirit feel as though it is being crushed by an unseen and inhuman weight. The door opens and the outside light and pursuit creeps in, the internal one falters and the spirit gets placed roughly in the back up files of our brains.
There are some people who burst through the monotony when talk of their kids comes up, their ideal job, their favorite activity, or their perfect geographic paradise from memory or imagining and when this happens I feel at home. If all I had to do was listen to people tell me of their dreams, I would rest comfortably every night, feel as though it were always worth every minute or dramatic struggle… just to see that light shine through.
I have been so fortunate to see the human being rise from the ashes of their past and shine this light on everyone around them and I have seen the frustration on their faces when, like a tornado, our human desires smash the dreaming and turn the world upside down in the blink of an eye.
It is true, not a thing has changed in those moments, but perception shoving light from the scope of vision into the background, however real it feels. Our minds create the perfect atmosphere for such a blow; many of us have filled our past with negative imagery to the point where it overwhelms the consciousness and we cannot see the light through the unfiltered darkness as quickly as though we were flicking a switch.
Being blessed to be a part of the process with my fellow human beings is an incredible journey.
I know when the change starts to happen for I recognize it from my own existence, but it never ceases to send me back a few steps when talking with a person and hearing their unfettered joy one moment only to watch as their eyes hollow out and their faces slacken or tighten up as their minds push something ugly and black to the forefront.
I need to find a job, I need to work, I need to do, once I get enough money everything else will take care of itself…whilst their spirit sinks and slides down the rabbit hole and vision grows bitterly narrow; our main concern becomes material because talk and time spent on spiritual and true human matters seems unproductive and won’t earn us a cent. It won’t solve our debt, our crimes, or our overall human quandary…except it solves our worry, wasted self-pity, need to lie, need to steal, need to manipulate, control, et cetera ad nausea.
Now I understand fully that we all need to make a living in order to survive…or they would probably not call it “making a living” and would replace that with hobby or pastime, which is exactly what it should be if it is some kind of divergence from our connection to that, which makes us whole and is not a fleeting peace but a lasting freedom.
I have seen nothing, which causes me more alarm or anguish than human beings causing suffering to other human beings in whatever name they use to cause that pain.
I can tell you as well that watching a human being shut down their internal joy and purpose for any reason; seeing the light flicker dim to barely perceptible, leaving us with a large throng of walking dead causes my eyes to tear up, jaw to clench, stomach turn, and head lower to the ground.
I am blessed to be in a position to act as a conduit for God, in my good moments, to help others find their light once again; I am sure that I fail more often than succeed because my ego is strong, but it is amazing watching God transform lives and relight that which seemed to have burnt completely out.
You can try and break me day after day, put weight on my shoulders that isn’t mine, lie to and manipulate me, tell me what I should or shouldn’t say, what I should believe and what I should not, but if I were to give up the ability or right to pen a phrase, sentence, word, or paragraph…that death would be the worst one of all because I would feel as though I was spitting in the face of the Creator by turning away from what He has so lovingly given.
No matter what the world has in store for me; I know God has been reaching for me through the blessings he bestows. I don’t always think I know how to write, know how to help others, know how to live, or be a good person and do what is right, but I do know that when my fingers touch these keys or feel the pen gently between my fingers as the ink glides across a line or down a page that I am whole.
That I am home again.
I know that God has filled me with something I have not been able to find through any other medium. I hope that you find your wholeness, true love, create your masterpiece, and just live the life you were meant to live. I see glimpses in the men and women I have served; in their subtle gestures of compassion, love for one another, love for themselves that comes back to them from their fellows in simple, subtle ways…it is for you I am here at all, by the grace of God.
How do I know it is God’s doing? I am not capable without Him.
For the suffering, passed along from those who came before and will be a part of the solution long after I am gone – what I was taught and believe with all of my being is that the most important thing I can do is give myself to others in order that I too may remain free and feel God’s loving hand at work in all of those human areas of my life.
There are no borders on serving; you don’t need permission from some governing body, bricks and mortar, a catchy phrase or mission statement, and you definitely do not need to be told what, where, how, when, and why either…I firmly believe most of us have those answers already and are searching for what is buried deep inside.
Saint Francis of Assisi wrote:
Lord make me a channel of thy peace - that where there is hatred, I may bring love
- that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness
- that where there is discord, I may bring harmony
- that where there is error, I may bring truth
- that where there is doubt, I may bring faith
- that where there is despair, I may bring hope
- that where there are shadows, I may bring light
- that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted
- to understand, than to be understood
- to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self forgetting that one finds.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen
One of the most beautiful paragraphs I have ever read, written by Marianne Williamson and used in a speech by Nelson Mandela - I hope one day to write something this inspired and beautiful:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Thank you for all of your support and love,
David Wayne Lewry