I’ll be looking back at 2010; Jill is forcing me too. If I am to write a blog inspired by her, I really have no choice but to take a rip down memory lane. You may be asking, “who the f*$k is Jill?” And that would be a fair question… she is a friend and a strong supporter; she has diligently advertised, displayed, and sold my books with the fervor of our quiet kinship and those are probably not her best qualities.
If you like, check out my Facebook pictures; you’ll find some beautiful photos of Jill dressed up as Wonder Woman on the driving range of our local city golf course. You’ll get a sense as to why I could never describe her in good enough detail with so little space or time to accomplish the task. I literally fell into a deep and meditative trance thinking about the previous year as soon as I left her at “What’s In Store”…
2010 was a year I did not see coming ahead of time; by the end of the preceding year, I had used up all the magic in my oracle staying one step ahead of the swine, who were nipping at my heals on a daily basis. The chase, which began early spring, 2009 and stayed persistent and arduous until the New Year rang in with no bang beyond their final actions, which set the plan in full motion like the first toppling of a domino.
I cannot look back without getting a bit excited or without feeling my asshole tighten and tingle just slightly at the thought of how close some things really were. The human mind is an amazing system of processes and miracles; the memory of something can immediately set afire my insides as though it is happening all over again in that very moment.
On the one hand, my first book was used in a university course nearly immediately after publishing, which caused heated excitement and mental confusion all at once. With the first book out there and doing well; the others were written, edited and published in a rush of blood, sweat, seamen and tears. There was an extreme demand from the very small, but loyal group of readers who gobbled up my books in a mad frenzy; I wanted to spill the beans as much as they wanted to eat so we had a good relationship from the start.
For a time it seemed these readers were thinking that the ink would disappear into the vast waste land of censorship, should they not read them within a few days of publication. Mind you they were not alone in this; there were moments when I pictured the anvil coming down and putting a halt to the whole damn thing while I sat pounding on the keys of the next book. I had caught the fever from doing exactly what I imagined God wanted me too for the first time in my life and I was not about to slow down.
It seemed that anyone in a position to bring this weight upon me however, was overjoyed by my willingness to say what they could not so the hammer never fell. I received their kind words much to my own surprise because I am somewhat scathing about their specific roles throughout the course of my brief history. The potential of human forgiveness is amazing to me; people’s ability to read between the lines has invigorated my faith, hope and even slightly my love for the human animal which admittedly had found a low point.
On the flip side of the joys from the year 2010 however, I plummeted into a rabbit hole without the aid of drug or drink by early December; without seeming rhyme or reason I began to make decisions that contradicted the very nature of the year. This gradually led me into the abyss I had known so well throughout the preceding lives I had lived. Despite evidence to the very good time and place in my life; I began to feel as though I had put forth nothing whatever to the world around me and was an utter failure.
I would stare into the mirror and wonder what had gone so terribly wrong, only to find myself counting blessing after blessing, yet still seeing only darkness when I peeled my eye lids backwards and focused vision to the coming dawn.
It seemed that throughout the entire year, Jill was there when I needed to hear how good it was that I was writing and doing what I loved, despite the difficulties associated to the life. She always had encouragement for me and hardly thought a thing of it.
Jill related the story of a girl who bought my book at the shop; she said this girl clutched the book against her bosom and became teary eyed when she talked about her love for it. Her eyes welled up and apparently they were large, round blue eyes; she was young and full of innocence, cheeks rosy red as she spoke of how she had already read it as an eBook but had to have the hard copy to read and feel the pages as though she could get a better love for the prose.
I did not do that story justice, but the memory of it kept me steady on the pages of following books and poetry in times of serious doubt. To Jill it was beautiful to see; for me the memory is as much about the girl, as it is about how Jill recalled it for me.
The story fills me with such a love for literature that I can only relate it to the first time I read Dylan Thomas and found myself naked on the floor of my old bachelor suite, writhing in a very comfortable discomfort over some long dead crack-pot knowing my truth.
If that was the only thing I could remember about Jill that would be so much more than enough, but her constant presence along the way became a steady influence in how I worked my program, how I approached and looked at working for others, and how I maintained a steady honest voice throughout some of the trials which I was far from used too this past year.
If you live in Calgary, or are visiting in the next couple of weeks, drop into “What’s In Store” on Edmonton Trail and 16th Avenue/Highway 1 and say hello to both Jill and Suzanne; you will not be disappointed that you met either of them.
They are both obviously God’s prototypes, never meant for mass production; too rare to die and much too weird to live like the masses. Hurry in however, as Jill is moving on soon, heading back to school where if you’re lucky, you might just get a glimpse or rub a shoulder with someone who participated in the saving of another’s life.
Thank you,
David Lewry
If you like, check out my Facebook pictures; you’ll find some beautiful photos of Jill dressed up as Wonder Woman on the driving range of our local city golf course. You’ll get a sense as to why I could never describe her in good enough detail with so little space or time to accomplish the task. I literally fell into a deep and meditative trance thinking about the previous year as soon as I left her at “What’s In Store”…
2010 was a year I did not see coming ahead of time; by the end of the preceding year, I had used up all the magic in my oracle staying one step ahead of the swine, who were nipping at my heals on a daily basis. The chase, which began early spring, 2009 and stayed persistent and arduous until the New Year rang in with no bang beyond their final actions, which set the plan in full motion like the first toppling of a domino.
I cannot look back without getting a bit excited or without feeling my asshole tighten and tingle just slightly at the thought of how close some things really were. The human mind is an amazing system of processes and miracles; the memory of something can immediately set afire my insides as though it is happening all over again in that very moment.
On the one hand, my first book was used in a university course nearly immediately after publishing, which caused heated excitement and mental confusion all at once. With the first book out there and doing well; the others were written, edited and published in a rush of blood, sweat, seamen and tears. There was an extreme demand from the very small, but loyal group of readers who gobbled up my books in a mad frenzy; I wanted to spill the beans as much as they wanted to eat so we had a good relationship from the start.
For a time it seemed these readers were thinking that the ink would disappear into the vast waste land of censorship, should they not read them within a few days of publication. Mind you they were not alone in this; there were moments when I pictured the anvil coming down and putting a halt to the whole damn thing while I sat pounding on the keys of the next book. I had caught the fever from doing exactly what I imagined God wanted me too for the first time in my life and I was not about to slow down.
It seemed that anyone in a position to bring this weight upon me however, was overjoyed by my willingness to say what they could not so the hammer never fell. I received their kind words much to my own surprise because I am somewhat scathing about their specific roles throughout the course of my brief history. The potential of human forgiveness is amazing to me; people’s ability to read between the lines has invigorated my faith, hope and even slightly my love for the human animal which admittedly had found a low point.
On the flip side of the joys from the year 2010 however, I plummeted into a rabbit hole without the aid of drug or drink by early December; without seeming rhyme or reason I began to make decisions that contradicted the very nature of the year. This gradually led me into the abyss I had known so well throughout the preceding lives I had lived. Despite evidence to the very good time and place in my life; I began to feel as though I had put forth nothing whatever to the world around me and was an utter failure.
I would stare into the mirror and wonder what had gone so terribly wrong, only to find myself counting blessing after blessing, yet still seeing only darkness when I peeled my eye lids backwards and focused vision to the coming dawn.
It seemed that throughout the entire year, Jill was there when I needed to hear how good it was that I was writing and doing what I loved, despite the difficulties associated to the life. She always had encouragement for me and hardly thought a thing of it.
Jill related the story of a girl who bought my book at the shop; she said this girl clutched the book against her bosom and became teary eyed when she talked about her love for it. Her eyes welled up and apparently they were large, round blue eyes; she was young and full of innocence, cheeks rosy red as she spoke of how she had already read it as an eBook but had to have the hard copy to read and feel the pages as though she could get a better love for the prose.
I did not do that story justice, but the memory of it kept me steady on the pages of following books and poetry in times of serious doubt. To Jill it was beautiful to see; for me the memory is as much about the girl, as it is about how Jill recalled it for me.
The story fills me with such a love for literature that I can only relate it to the first time I read Dylan Thomas and found myself naked on the floor of my old bachelor suite, writhing in a very comfortable discomfort over some long dead crack-pot knowing my truth.
If that was the only thing I could remember about Jill that would be so much more than enough, but her constant presence along the way became a steady influence in how I worked my program, how I approached and looked at working for others, and how I maintained a steady honest voice throughout some of the trials which I was far from used too this past year.
If you live in Calgary, or are visiting in the next couple of weeks, drop into “What’s In Store” on Edmonton Trail and 16th Avenue/Highway 1 and say hello to both Jill and Suzanne; you will not be disappointed that you met either of them.
They are both obviously God’s prototypes, never meant for mass production; too rare to die and much too weird to live like the masses. Hurry in however, as Jill is moving on soon, heading back to school where if you’re lucky, you might just get a glimpse or rub a shoulder with someone who participated in the saving of another’s life.
Thank you,
David Lewry