Is Anyone Listening
It is a widely known fact that the justice system in both Canada and The United States is largely ineffectual and wholly inefficient.
There is a definite and acute lack of respect for it by the public because of the obvious lack of fear and respect shown by the criminals who repeatedly perpetrate crimes against children, the filthy soulless defense attorneys who defend them, and the lazy prosecutors who make deals with monsters for a larger win total at year end.
This is not to say that the only crimes under-punished are related to child predators, but let’s start there because for the love of God and all that is holy, these are children and over the past few weeks there has been such a dramatic increase in media coverage of one child sexual abuse “scandal” after another. It pains me sharply and lights a fire inside of me I can no longer deny.
Sandusky arrested from Penn State, James plead out to two charges and awaits sentencing, and the prick who abused at least two boys in the 80’s off because of “statute of limitations”…my heart hurts and not just for those children we know about, but the multitudes we do not is what scares me.
We need to do more about this and we need to pound this subject into the minds of people until they are sick enough about it to turn billion dollar university programs into pulp because “children matter more than football or basketball or some assholes legacy in terms of either of those sports…” and please, quote me on that.
I know I said it; children matter more than football, basketball, or any other form of fucking entertainment that numbs our brains and keeps us from consciousness. Thank God Theo Fleury, a sports icon, at least in Canada, is up front and vocal because without someone “important” speaking we don’t tend to listen. God bless him for his courage.
As a survivor of this atrocity I am not going to try and reserve my contempt for the process our justice system “undertakes” when faced with “prosecuting” this crime. I will wager a guess that I will not apologize for swearing, being biased, or suggesting violence when a large part of me is becoming more of a pacifist with every passing day.
Remember we are talking about children and we claim we will do anything to protect them while we abandon them in their most perilous time of need.
It is no small wonder that while working in law enforcement I was approached by other people in the industry and asked if I would participate in a less than on the books operation of what can only be described as a vigilante act on a repeat convicted pedophile, who got off with a conditional sentence due to plea bargaining despite his status.
I seriously considered it… but at the time I was trying, just like today, to allow God to change me from the angry fellow I once was all of the time.
Instead of apologizing, I am going to kick the subject right square in the balls until a point of sterilization and impotence is reached – just like the parents of all children affected should be allowed to do to those individuals who stole a piece of their child they may never get back.
Even though we have come to understand that most predators are impotent already, there is no punishment which fits the crime because no criminal code has yet to wager the cost of stealing someone’s soul – they believe and are blatantly wrong that this crime is minimal and does not hold the same weight as robbing a fucking bank.
Or at least this is what we are shown; look at the stats!
Bank robbery is considered, and rightfully so, a violent, major crime. What is child sexual abuse considered? Plead down to sexual assault? Child pornography? Cyber-crime? What! Time served…probation…conditional sentence? Depending on who commits the crime? What’s at stake for those who covered up the crimes?
I am hoping everyone sees the connection to what is important in our society, banks, versus what may not be as important as we are told, children. Where are the riot squads and masked police officers enforcing“justice” in these situations? They are busy moving peaceful protestors at the direction of their departments who are a part of municipal, state-provincial and federal systems run by money, which is held and manipulated by the same banks being robbed.
Pardon me while I throw up in my mouth and wonder again why vigilante punishment is wrong; by the grace of God.
I say a piece is gone we may never get back because there is a piece of us that is fucking gone – it’s not there anymore folks; I have looked inside for 17 years and into many others for over 14, who share my experience. We all explain there is something vital that is missing from deep inside. I resemble that and understand without any further explanation, but you may not.
I have learned to cope with what has happened once my brain allowed me to see it in its entirety; I am one of the lucky ones – many report blank spots that are either never filled in or are far too scary for the person to look at let alone share with anyone.
Gather your psychologists, your psychiatrists, and any other brand of professional witness and I’ll tell them too - there is a piece missing and it is something vital.
The psychotherapy helps, the counseling helps, the programs help, doing work in different groups helps, but after almost 17 years of an in depth examination of the events which shaped my own and the 14 years of working with adults who have survived the same; I understand that best way to address the process is like grieving for the loss of a loved one.
Chances are pretty good we don’t ever forget or stop feeling sad for the loss, but like with surviving sexual abuse; you learn to process it and hopefully it has less control over your behaviors as time goes on and that the sadness and sorrow come with less frequency and intensity. I say hopefully with purpose.
By the grace of God, I was not successful with the three of my purposeful suicide attempts or the countless “accidental” attempts by chronic overuse of morphine and other substances. By the grace of God I was able to get and stay sober through the past 7 plus years. By the grace of God I will always go…
You are not alone in the pain you carry and neither am I. I realized a few years ago I was never alone; when I get the memories today it is not just for me or my past. I become overwhelmed with the lacking in our society of follow through when it comes to our treatment of victims by our treatment of perpetrators.
To those struggling with addiction, suicidal thoughts and tendencies, depression, and other forms of mental, emotional and physical illness as a result of childhood sexual abuse and trauma - my prayers, thoughts, and actions are always with you.
The fight is uphill.
The slope is steep, but you are not alone and our silence helps no one.
I always thought that the secret was best kept; I was wrong. The secret kept me sicker than I could stand to be and I almost ended my life because of it. By the grace of God I am alive today.
If you need help, please reach out to someone.
There are people who can and will help you.
To the families of those who have been lost; my deepest condolences go out to you and yours and if nothing else, because nothing will take it away, you are in my thoughts and prayers every day hoping that someday this will not have to be a topic for any discussion in future generations.
Thank you,
David Wayne Lewry
It is a widely known fact that the justice system in both Canada and The United States is largely ineffectual and wholly inefficient.
There is a definite and acute lack of respect for it by the public because of the obvious lack of fear and respect shown by the criminals who repeatedly perpetrate crimes against children, the filthy soulless defense attorneys who defend them, and the lazy prosecutors who make deals with monsters for a larger win total at year end.
This is not to say that the only crimes under-punished are related to child predators, but let’s start there because for the love of God and all that is holy, these are children and over the past few weeks there has been such a dramatic increase in media coverage of one child sexual abuse “scandal” after another. It pains me sharply and lights a fire inside of me I can no longer deny.
Sandusky arrested from Penn State, James plead out to two charges and awaits sentencing, and the prick who abused at least two boys in the 80’s off because of “statute of limitations”…my heart hurts and not just for those children we know about, but the multitudes we do not is what scares me.
We need to do more about this and we need to pound this subject into the minds of people until they are sick enough about it to turn billion dollar university programs into pulp because “children matter more than football or basketball or some assholes legacy in terms of either of those sports…” and please, quote me on that.
I know I said it; children matter more than football, basketball, or any other form of fucking entertainment that numbs our brains and keeps us from consciousness. Thank God Theo Fleury, a sports icon, at least in Canada, is up front and vocal because without someone “important” speaking we don’t tend to listen. God bless him for his courage.
As a survivor of this atrocity I am not going to try and reserve my contempt for the process our justice system “undertakes” when faced with “prosecuting” this crime. I will wager a guess that I will not apologize for swearing, being biased, or suggesting violence when a large part of me is becoming more of a pacifist with every passing day.
Remember we are talking about children and we claim we will do anything to protect them while we abandon them in their most perilous time of need.
It is no small wonder that while working in law enforcement I was approached by other people in the industry and asked if I would participate in a less than on the books operation of what can only be described as a vigilante act on a repeat convicted pedophile, who got off with a conditional sentence due to plea bargaining despite his status.
I seriously considered it… but at the time I was trying, just like today, to allow God to change me from the angry fellow I once was all of the time.
Instead of apologizing, I am going to kick the subject right square in the balls until a point of sterilization and impotence is reached – just like the parents of all children affected should be allowed to do to those individuals who stole a piece of their child they may never get back.
Even though we have come to understand that most predators are impotent already, there is no punishment which fits the crime because no criminal code has yet to wager the cost of stealing someone’s soul – they believe and are blatantly wrong that this crime is minimal and does not hold the same weight as robbing a fucking bank.
Or at least this is what we are shown; look at the stats!
Bank robbery is considered, and rightfully so, a violent, major crime. What is child sexual abuse considered? Plead down to sexual assault? Child pornography? Cyber-crime? What! Time served…probation…conditional sentence? Depending on who commits the crime? What’s at stake for those who covered up the crimes?
I am hoping everyone sees the connection to what is important in our society, banks, versus what may not be as important as we are told, children. Where are the riot squads and masked police officers enforcing“justice” in these situations? They are busy moving peaceful protestors at the direction of their departments who are a part of municipal, state-provincial and federal systems run by money, which is held and manipulated by the same banks being robbed.
Pardon me while I throw up in my mouth and wonder again why vigilante punishment is wrong; by the grace of God.
I say a piece is gone we may never get back because there is a piece of us that is fucking gone – it’s not there anymore folks; I have looked inside for 17 years and into many others for over 14, who share my experience. We all explain there is something vital that is missing from deep inside. I resemble that and understand without any further explanation, but you may not.
I have learned to cope with what has happened once my brain allowed me to see it in its entirety; I am one of the lucky ones – many report blank spots that are either never filled in or are far too scary for the person to look at let alone share with anyone.
Gather your psychologists, your psychiatrists, and any other brand of professional witness and I’ll tell them too - there is a piece missing and it is something vital.
The psychotherapy helps, the counseling helps, the programs help, doing work in different groups helps, but after almost 17 years of an in depth examination of the events which shaped my own and the 14 years of working with adults who have survived the same; I understand that best way to address the process is like grieving for the loss of a loved one.
Chances are pretty good we don’t ever forget or stop feeling sad for the loss, but like with surviving sexual abuse; you learn to process it and hopefully it has less control over your behaviors as time goes on and that the sadness and sorrow come with less frequency and intensity. I say hopefully with purpose.
By the grace of God, I was not successful with the three of my purposeful suicide attempts or the countless “accidental” attempts by chronic overuse of morphine and other substances. By the grace of God I was able to get and stay sober through the past 7 plus years. By the grace of God I will always go…
You are not alone in the pain you carry and neither am I. I realized a few years ago I was never alone; when I get the memories today it is not just for me or my past. I become overwhelmed with the lacking in our society of follow through when it comes to our treatment of victims by our treatment of perpetrators.
To those struggling with addiction, suicidal thoughts and tendencies, depression, and other forms of mental, emotional and physical illness as a result of childhood sexual abuse and trauma - my prayers, thoughts, and actions are always with you.
The fight is uphill.
The slope is steep, but you are not alone and our silence helps no one.
I always thought that the secret was best kept; I was wrong. The secret kept me sicker than I could stand to be and I almost ended my life because of it. By the grace of God I am alive today.
If you need help, please reach out to someone.
There are people who can and will help you.
To the families of those who have been lost; my deepest condolences go out to you and yours and if nothing else, because nothing will take it away, you are in my thoughts and prayers every day hoping that someday this will not have to be a topic for any discussion in future generations.
Thank you,
David Wayne Lewry