Like Edwin sang, “Trippin Around Down Town”…
Or in my case, ripping down the strip and back again, killing time and trying to stay awake and out of trouble. I drove in circles, which made sense because I had been walking in circles prior to getting in the car.
There were manic moments, which happen to us when we get such a constant triggering by the surrounding stimulation of places like this or anywhere. Some people get agitated, depressed, angry, withdrawn, or completely manic where the slightest happening which is contrary to our wishes can set us on a path of ugliness and possible self-destruction.
Many of us feel a combination of these physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental symptoms of our disease when it starts to activate in our thinking. This state starts in our minds, although the external stimulation may set on fire, the tiny trickle of gasoline which has been leaking while we sleep and live.
For me they come and go quickly today for the most part, thank God; I pray constantly, carry my pocket BB and “Twenty Four Hours a Day” everywhere I roam because I know my disease will be trying to kick the shit out of me at some point. That usually becomes very evident when I try dealing with other people and I am not aware of where my head is.
A very important part of my plan is to remain in contact with recovery people who, whether aware or not, send me texts “out of the blue” and derail my episodes by asking for suggestions in their own recovery. Or it is as simple as me texting them and saying hello; somehow we always know because I believe we are guided by the Higher Power.
Those are what I have been taught are God moments.
This is interchangeable my friends, if you are asking for help, you are also probably giving it so never hesitate to reach out…you don’t really know who’s life you are going to save and there really is no other greater purpose…is there?
I had no destination and I had too much time for Vegas; it is better to have something planned in case you get lost so I simply drove and outran whatever was creeping up on me that I could not see, but only sensed in the shadows due to the slight manic twitch in my legs.
I am a slow mover and my heart rate is slow and easy; therefore when my blood starts pumping too fast for no reason, I know I need to be mindful and stay true to my practices.
Forgetting what one normally might do is dangerous in Vegas…especially as a tourist with cash in your pocket and some kind of dream in your tourist head that tells you the next twenty bucks will get you everything you need… and then the next… and so on.
Thank God I don’t gamble… I’ve got enough problems already. I watched a woman pushing a walker with a built on table, frantically trying to get back to her machine with two beers on her tray, a burning smoke in an ashtray, and one crazy look in her eye that I recognized all too well.
Prayers went out and I focused on getting off the gambling floor.
It was a text from a good friend that pulled me out of the creeping dark and with his words of seeking answers I thanked God over and over again. I knew and told him so when he thanked me for taking time out of my vacation to chat with him and give him some suggestions.
Thank you, I said, your connection to me gives me more than I could express; suffice to say, it gives me safety from that first drink or drug.
He acted as the angel I needed.
Thank you God.
Then finally the tee time approached. I drove back to Primm at 135 miles an hour to get changed and hit the course on time. However, it became painfully obvious that I needed not make such haste!
The course was beautiful; green fairways, large pools of clear water, palm trees, and cactus blended together creating the picture of an oasis jutting out of the barren dessert.
I even started off golfing really well until the 8th hole when my back started stiffening up from waiting for almost ten minutes between every shot on every hole because the three foursomes in front of us were a part of some kind of wedding or reunion party and they were slow, obnoxious, and painfully drunk.
None of our group was upset, we all took it pretty well, but we also called off the round after 9 holes because it had taken us almost four hours to get that far. There was a twosome, two back from us who quit after hole #6 because it had taken them 3 hours to get to that green.
But it was beautiful out, the sun was shining and God was filling me up with His many blessings and wonders all around me.
I chose to not engage with the two furious gentlemen, who came up from behind us cursing and muttering at the party. In the parking lot when they tried to get me riled up, I said, sure, it was painful and I can barely stand up but they were having fun and frankly I am just glad to be here fella’s.
They were puzzled but wished me a good day and drove off.
Once I turned my cart in, I figured a drive with the top down back up the I-15 to The Primm Resort was in order and it sure was. At top speeds my already wild hair looked like I had been pulled, by the feet, from a dryer when I pulled into the parking lot of the hotel.
It was a great day all around, it may not have gone exactly how I thought when I woke up this morning…at 330a.m. but all in all it went better than I could have planned.
When I connect with others in any way shape or form, I recognize that those moments are why I’m here; not in Nevada, but on this planet and in this sometimes awkward skin.
I feel fulfilled by it and that I am fulfilling the wishes of my Higher Power and no other actions I have ever taken for gain of some kind has the power to take away my feelings of less than or uselessness like Him.
Thank you,
David Lewry
Or in my case, ripping down the strip and back again, killing time and trying to stay awake and out of trouble. I drove in circles, which made sense because I had been walking in circles prior to getting in the car.
There were manic moments, which happen to us when we get such a constant triggering by the surrounding stimulation of places like this or anywhere. Some people get agitated, depressed, angry, withdrawn, or completely manic where the slightest happening which is contrary to our wishes can set us on a path of ugliness and possible self-destruction.
Many of us feel a combination of these physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental symptoms of our disease when it starts to activate in our thinking. This state starts in our minds, although the external stimulation may set on fire, the tiny trickle of gasoline which has been leaking while we sleep and live.
For me they come and go quickly today for the most part, thank God; I pray constantly, carry my pocket BB and “Twenty Four Hours a Day” everywhere I roam because I know my disease will be trying to kick the shit out of me at some point. That usually becomes very evident when I try dealing with other people and I am not aware of where my head is.
A very important part of my plan is to remain in contact with recovery people who, whether aware or not, send me texts “out of the blue” and derail my episodes by asking for suggestions in their own recovery. Or it is as simple as me texting them and saying hello; somehow we always know because I believe we are guided by the Higher Power.
Those are what I have been taught are God moments.
This is interchangeable my friends, if you are asking for help, you are also probably giving it so never hesitate to reach out…you don’t really know who’s life you are going to save and there really is no other greater purpose…is there?
I had no destination and I had too much time for Vegas; it is better to have something planned in case you get lost so I simply drove and outran whatever was creeping up on me that I could not see, but only sensed in the shadows due to the slight manic twitch in my legs.
I am a slow mover and my heart rate is slow and easy; therefore when my blood starts pumping too fast for no reason, I know I need to be mindful and stay true to my practices.
Forgetting what one normally might do is dangerous in Vegas…especially as a tourist with cash in your pocket and some kind of dream in your tourist head that tells you the next twenty bucks will get you everything you need… and then the next… and so on.
Thank God I don’t gamble… I’ve got enough problems already. I watched a woman pushing a walker with a built on table, frantically trying to get back to her machine with two beers on her tray, a burning smoke in an ashtray, and one crazy look in her eye that I recognized all too well.
Prayers went out and I focused on getting off the gambling floor.
It was a text from a good friend that pulled me out of the creeping dark and with his words of seeking answers I thanked God over and over again. I knew and told him so when he thanked me for taking time out of my vacation to chat with him and give him some suggestions.
Thank you, I said, your connection to me gives me more than I could express; suffice to say, it gives me safety from that first drink or drug.
He acted as the angel I needed.
Thank you God.
Then finally the tee time approached. I drove back to Primm at 135 miles an hour to get changed and hit the course on time. However, it became painfully obvious that I needed not make such haste!
The course was beautiful; green fairways, large pools of clear water, palm trees, and cactus blended together creating the picture of an oasis jutting out of the barren dessert.
I even started off golfing really well until the 8th hole when my back started stiffening up from waiting for almost ten minutes between every shot on every hole because the three foursomes in front of us were a part of some kind of wedding or reunion party and they were slow, obnoxious, and painfully drunk.
None of our group was upset, we all took it pretty well, but we also called off the round after 9 holes because it had taken us almost four hours to get that far. There was a twosome, two back from us who quit after hole #6 because it had taken them 3 hours to get to that green.
But it was beautiful out, the sun was shining and God was filling me up with His many blessings and wonders all around me.
I chose to not engage with the two furious gentlemen, who came up from behind us cursing and muttering at the party. In the parking lot when they tried to get me riled up, I said, sure, it was painful and I can barely stand up but they were having fun and frankly I am just glad to be here fella’s.
They were puzzled but wished me a good day and drove off.
Once I turned my cart in, I figured a drive with the top down back up the I-15 to The Primm Resort was in order and it sure was. At top speeds my already wild hair looked like I had been pulled, by the feet, from a dryer when I pulled into the parking lot of the hotel.
It was a great day all around, it may not have gone exactly how I thought when I woke up this morning…at 330a.m. but all in all it went better than I could have planned.
When I connect with others in any way shape or form, I recognize that those moments are why I’m here; not in Nevada, but on this planet and in this sometimes awkward skin.
I feel fulfilled by it and that I am fulfilling the wishes of my Higher Power and no other actions I have ever taken for gain of some kind has the power to take away my feelings of less than or uselessness like Him.
Thank you,
David Lewry